One. Your reason is always, ‘to make you a better person’. My question to you is, ‘am I such a bad person?’
Reality check. I think you are a perfectionist. Too much of a perfectionist, you forget that the house is clean and livable but you still want more.
Everyone I brought home never fail to mention how Spick and span this house is, and you want more? No one is at home to sweep everyday, mop everyday and do all those household things that wives and mothers do, be contented.
So sometimes we don’t make our beds because we are just pure lazy. So sometimes our tables are full with things that fit our personality perfectly. And pardon me but I think that is completely normal.
The house does not have to be spotless because mind you, we do not live in a hotel. We are a family, living in a home. And a home is allowed to have a strand of hair lying around.
Two. You say I don’t listen to you. You say you feel cheated.
Oh man, I feel cheated being in this world.
You see my flaws but you fail to see the biggest flaw of them all. I’m sorry, YOU.
Where were you when I prayed every single day hoping for my family to be happy again? After awhile I gave up because I see only me doing it.
I maybe a sinner but I never forget you my God is. And now that you’re 50 and you want to start being religious again, you start preaching when we don’t? I’m glad you are who you are today, but I know it took you long enough to be where you are today.
And don’t say that i’m wrong.
Three. Me, not sincere?
Take a second and think. Because one day you shall know how sincere I am.
If I was not sincere, I would have chosen another path long ago. And that is to follow that woman, from the beginning.
Because I know that you are a better provider, that is why I’m here. And it is with much sincerity that I show my appreciation by cooking for you and constantly accompanying you.
And every time you get mad at for the most ridiculous reasons, I asked myself the same question Nenek has been asking me. “how long more are you going to stand by him?”
Yes, Nenek asked me that.
You know why? Because as much as she saw the sacrifices you made for us, she also the sacrifices I made for you, for this family.
Right from the start, I didn’t remember my teenage years. I didn’t remember confiding into abg and kakak like a little sister deserved to. Instead I have a brother who runs away to Nenek house and stays over every chance he could and a sister who’s barely there whenever she can find a reason to.
Who was it who started cooking for the family everytime she can after school? Who was it that people come to so that their asses are covered?
Who was it whom you cried to?
And I, who do I cry to? Who do I confide to?
Four. I am who I am today for a reason. Sure, if I am completely honest, I have a lot of anger in me. You talked to me as if I was the only hope. Maybe I am. But everytime you find fault, I know its completely baseless. I know your anger is not for me.
I still do know that when you look at me, all you are reminded of is your ex wife. Because I am a replica of her face. Now is it unfair that because of that, you tend to shoot all your anger at me?
Five. I don’t think I’m perfect. But I do think people should stop giving, ‘trying to make you a better person’ as an excuse.
This is what I groomed myself to be because of what happened. I refuse to tell you how much wrong others did because one day you’ll see. That I’m not the bad one.
But I’ve got to let you know how exhausted I am. With my whole entire life. But I’m still living hoping it gets better.
But seriously, you got the wrong bad person but even if I try to explain you wouldn’t listen.
Six I wish people could just honestly love me. And not think I’m a bad person. Not take me for granted. Not lie to me.
Because if anything, sincerity is the thing I’m good at.
But whatever I say to you, makes me seem more like a bad person. So I leave it.
Sometimes I think abg did the right thing. Find happiness and move out.
I wanna do the same, I wanna find my own happiness. But I know deep down the only way to do it is to have another life.
